let me just mention again how surprised i am that i've been enjoying this load testing business. i guess the thought of getting paid to try and break a website is kind of motivating.

now spinning: tom waits, closing time. let me just say i have a lot of catching up to do with tom waits- this is the first time i've ever heard him! but it will not be the last. fantastic.

tortoise kicks me in the heiny.


micah mood, renowned poet and music fan.

waking up to summer dusk.
i feel absent in time.
fading daylight leaves.
filters through kitchen static light.
my dinner waits on sleeping stove.

secrets come slow.
open lessons in regret.
hope you're feeling well tonight.

and now i'm serving up the last long day.
and i'm never running out of sleep.
can't keep track.
i file memories deep.
a list of urgent failures sing

andherson Wellspent

the world isn't hopeless. i know i tend to view where i'm at in reference to where, in my wildest dreams, i want to be, and focusing on that makes things seem hopeless sometimes. of course, the rare glance towards my wildest dreams is a great motivator. quite the predicament.

i talked to Mooner for a while on Tuesday night, for those that don't know he's a friend of my dad's (since grade-school) who was just diagnosed with lunch cancer in mid-December. he should have finished the second chemo treatment yesterday (each round of treatment is five days, four days of pills at home and then the fifth day in the hospital for intense treatment). they'll start running severe diagnostics next week to see how these first two rounds have done, right now they're giving him an 85% chance of beating it, which is very high. we're praying that they caught it early enough, i guess time will tell.


starfish with its arms out in a daze, staring at the stars through an ocean haze.

indeed gabe, it most certainly isn't. my dad had called me here this morning and his brother has been diagnosed with melanoma the other night. there was a large swelling on his one leg and he had gone to a doctor and it was misdiagnosed...8 months later..he is facing skin graphs and chemotherapy and they believe it has spread else where. the outlook is not in his favor from what i understand. it's a very sad thought as his kids are fairly young yet. his daughter is going to graduate from high school and his son is going to start driving soon.

so when you think your life sucks because of a job or silly personal problems we all have, just remember that you're alive and not facing the mortality of life just yet.

before you know it...it'll be riding season again! whoo hoo!! i canna wait to start riding to work everyday..that's gonna rule! talk about fuel efficiency...250+ miles on one tank...yeeaeeah baby!

ahh, see...i was not watching them at the time of the post...i had watched two in the morning when i got here and i haven't watched any senor. therefore my productivity rating has soared to new heights today. which was much needed. it's good to have direction and work to do...it helps me get out of bed in the morning.

CPR: 119% (-1% because of the post)

nobody watching damn cartoons while they work can achieve a PR over one hundred- never! I'd say 85% max, and even that's being generous.

an actual deadline that i put upon myself is keeping me trucking on thru the morning here....a phenominal CPR and PPR!

CPR: 110%
PPR: 140%

i think the harlots are gonna cover one or two fu manchu songs. bring it on!!! in other news, load testing is actually keeping my brain engaged these last few days- wonders never cease.

now spinning: fu manchu- the action is go
CPR: 81%, PPR: 84%

well, hopefully tomorrow i'll actually be able to move myself out of bed. i woke up at 6:28 this morning and laid there looking at the ceiling and saying..."wake up, sit up, and get out of bed..." my brain did not respond...other than rolling over and hitting the snooze.....twice....at 6:47 i said to my brain: "move the sheets back, sit up, and get out of bed." no response, i could not move my arm...alas...a few more minutes and my brain reacted...

for those of you in the office...check out some movies on my machine...

"jstb1356/My Music" and i highly recommend watching the Chambraigne movie

start sharpening pencils, and get to the end of that short work of fiction! i wrote out a very short plot outline for this big story/screenplay i've had in my mind for a while... it's too big to do cold, i need to write some smaller stuff first to get back in the swing of it. but i might give it a shot.

now spinning: nebula, charged (fu manchu related stoner rock band)
CPR: 75% PPR: 91%

when you're young, you're invincible, or so it may seem. i've come to realize just how frail the human being actually is. in our younger years we get cut, bleed, and bounce back. but what we have going for us is our youth; the ability to heal quickly. in the painfully ironic "golden" years, we break, snap, and rip apart with the slightest fall or brush of an object. our old age renders our carefree attitude useless and go on living in fear of the inevitable.

yeah, this might be the start of short work of fiction..wee

"In 250,000 Americans, the first signs of heart disease is sudden death, and up to 50,000 of those people die at a very young age, like Ted Demme," Budoff said. Dr. Wally Ghurabi, head of emergency services at Santa Monica UCLA, agreed.

"If a 38-year-old out of nowhere drops dead, that's probably cardiac-related," he said.

i seldom visit
cold wind-swept memory lane
this way i survive

now spinning: rites of spring, end on end
CPR: 82%, PPR: 92.5%

gentleman, the oldsmobile omega was built for speed. it does not know the meaning of the word "tranquility". nor do i.

now spinning: david bowie, the rise & fall of ziggy stardust & the spiders from mars.
CPR: 74%, PPR: 92%

and hey hey, who wants to open up their humble abode for the Steelers playoff game this Sunday at 12:30pm?

you know, this play in Indiana business is going to tire me out this month, but i think its worth it. i actually enjoy it! i find it, in some small way, fulfilling, which is a lot more than i can say for 8 to 5. also, being involved with a play is getting my creativity sparking more, i've had several good story/scene ideas in the last week.

well, that show on friday night went really well. paul, you'll be seeing a few small bills as a result, and thanks again for your help. my man nate helped me pack everything up and unload it down at my house, which was good, because otherwise i would have collapsed under one of my PA speakers.

the royal tenenbaums is a good movie. the theater was pretty full on saturday night, which impressed me. i want to see the film again. it is not as solid, over-all, as Rushmore, but it has some funnier moments in it.