Lunch Should Be Longer

Work, Home, Rest, and Play...it's always a great day at work...

Friday, September 28, 2001

when, oh when, i ask, will they release the Ishtar special edition DVD? i will wait until death if i have to!

telling the truth can be dangerous business
honesty and popularity don't go hand in hand
if you admit you can play the accordion
no one will hire you for a rock 'n roll band
i've seen fire and i've
seen rain but i never thought
i'd see you again

on a side-note, i am going to physically expire on sunday afternoon, as i will be playing on the "alumni" team in the UPJ Ultimate Frisbee Alumni Game... and aside from playing volleyball twice in the last three months, and playing the drums about two dozen times, i am not in shape.
Doh! My neck hurts, does anyone have a spare monkey to rub it for me?

Here is a little food for thought... Wouldn't it be great if the Caption of the Enterprise said this to a random alien at some point on the new/old Star Trek.... "I DON"T UNDERSTAND YOUR CRAZY MOON LANGUAGE"

Thursday, September 27, 2001

sweet home alabama...





i really have NO idea which 3 days either..
man, i've had absolutely no motivation today. i've been so unmotivated i couldn't even take a minute to come up with a response to the "long hair / short hair" discussion that i started yesterday afternoon. i almost left work a few minutes ago but figured i'll wait it out and do some document typing until five.
ahh, the 2:54 doldrums. oh how the dogs pile up....
i've got two turntables and a microphone.
Girl: What're you rebelling against, Johnny?
Johnny: Whaddaya got?
"I wan't you to remember, that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it, by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."
- Patton
On the subject of girls with short hair....Did anyone happen to catch Faith Hill on that fund raiser thing the celebrities slapped together the other day? She was sporting a new du. I'd have to say that on most occasions I prefer longer hair on girls, but there are those females that just look mighty fine with short hair (case in point Faith Hill, not too mention the co-worker I recently tookout that is now sporting short hair as well). Hmmm....I guess I've said my peace....thoughIf I we're to metion one more.....Did you happen to catch the Vulcan Science officer on Enterprise last night....Nuff Said ;)
we all know it's coming. the "switch." last sunday of October, it's been happening for several years. since world war one actually. yup, that's right, the turning back of the clocks to standard time from daylight savings time. speaking of daylight savings time and standard time....why do we really do this? well...here's a site i reeally like to end daylight savings time! It was actually started in World War I and really has fluctuated overtime. Did you know in 1973 the whole year's time was kept in Daylight Savings Time, they never made the switch to standard time!!! sheesh. down with DST!!!

so brothers and sisters, unite with me and changer your clocks, watches, tvs, vcrs, microwaves, portable robots, car radios, alarm clocks, coffee makers, antique clocks, grandfather clocks, grandmother clocks, and the-not-so-nice-step-mother clocks to standard time and the NEVER change it again! Even if the government says it's happening...how hard is it to add an hour or subtract an hour mentally. i dunno, but i learned to subtract 1 from a number in first grade, how about the rest of you?

Wednesday, September 26, 2001

i hate it when my girlfriend used this on me:

select RA.ID ALERT_ID, RA.BIRDTRACK_LEVEL_ID BIRDTRACK_LEV, ATP.NAME ALERT_NAME, NT.NAME WEAPON_SYSTEM
from CMMSDBA.RETAIL_ALERTS RA, CMMSDBA.NAVIGATION_TREE NT, CMMSDBA.ALERT_TYPES ATP
where RA.NAVIGATION_TREE_ID = nNavTreeID
and RA.ALERT_TYPE_ID = ATP.ID
and NT.NAVIGATION_TREE_TYPE_ID <> nAirStationType
and NT.PARENT_ID = nAirStationID
and RA.BIRDTRACK_LEVEL_ID <> nBirdTrackLev
and RA.ID NOT IN ( select RETAIL_ALERT_ID from CMMSDBA.MY_ALERTS_RETAIL where USER_ID = iUser )
group by NT.NAME, RA.BIRDTRACK_LEVEL_ID, RA.ID, ATP.NAME

it hurt my feelings.
why do girls get their hair cut short? i mean, isn't one of our society's driving forces the whole internal desire to be attractive, for both males and females? and yet, wildly attractive women cut their hair short (and get it straightened) and their sex appeal approaches zero, while their "most likely to be mistaken for an unusually mature eigth-grader" rating skyrockets....

i'll never quite get it.
hostility ABOUNDS at this part of the building...my OH MY!!
what about zig-zag wrapping papers? you can't leave out the best of the best.

why isn't pot legal? great question. racism & government strong-arming seventy years ago, that's why. i wrote a paper on it. i'll try to track it down.
Ahh, you misquote me. I'm master of Pol Pot...not Pot. goodness...

Gabe this is the hat that is off to you!
you know....contagious yawning is problem. i've heard new laws are being drawn up in congress to thwart these evil and vile happenings!

as the llama says...well, it actually doesn't say anything.

oh and a hats off to gabe monzo for harnessing the torque last night at Zips bowling alley. finer torque mastering i have not seen.
angel of the morning? hmm... i myself am more like devil-spawn of the morning. i slept for eight hours but that didn't help my demeanor at all.

Tuesday, September 25, 2001

mmm, i thought she had a lot of horse power...
what the heck is happening on here today? it's turned into a psychadelic love-fest akin to the crazed dance sequences in laugh-in when goldie hawn would wriggle around in a bikini with wild colors swirling all around her. and then a guy would say, "iiiiiiiinteresting... but veeeeery grotesque."
should i rename this to the Love Blog?
a sure fire way to pick up a woman is to show up astride your llama. that really wows them i think. and the spitting llama is actually a huge turn on for women.
the following is a brought to you by the emergency blargh system:

BLARGH

thank you. had this been a real blargh, it would have been followed by much profanity.
waiting for word on a the database. it seems to not wanting to be functioning. it's listener is not running. don't you hate it when that happen?

hmm, i had a dream i was on a game show last night. seems the host picked pairs of people to act out a random skit, much like that of Whose Line is it anyway. what was odd was the most of the people on the panel were old peopled. i mean like 60 to 80 years old.

A quote if i can remember this correctly, a man and a woman were chosen to act out a scene and this is what i remember:

Guy: I like fur
Girl: I like silk
Guy: soft and ..*pause as he thinks* silky
Everyone: *chuckles*

They kind of lost direction at this point and started dancing. why, i really have no idea. and then a large shadow of a bear paw hovered over them and they fell to the ground as they were simulating being crushed by a giant bear.

yet another odd feature was that this took place in a small grocery store in the laundry detergent isle and it seemed designer coffee drinks were part of the show too. i can't remember of the name of the featured drink, rest assured, it was odd. i think it was something like oggie doggle, it was darn good tho. like a chocolate shake with coffee. very yummy. i dunno, you got me. then the host asked me what i thought of the performance and i said: "it started out good, but the giant bear paw. i really didn't like. you really had no where to go with it. good performance, but you had no where to go with it."

now i ended up on some bed in some girl's room, which was much like my bedroom now..and i remember trying to think up a skit, and of course llama immediately popped into my head. so i went to the end of the bed and leaned over to look under the bed and saw a large stuffed animal which could possibly resemble a llama. and then the stuffed animal got up and walked out from underneath the bed and what it appeared to be was beagle with a large stuffed animal head where it's head should of been.

i don't know where this stuff comes from, i swear.

spinning: the sundays (much calming music needed)

CPR: -20% (cause the listener isn't running!!)
PPR: 100%
So, two gay men are sitting at a bar. They both get up to leave, and the one turns to the other and says, "Can I push your stool in?"


Wow.


Sorry if I offend.

Monday, September 24, 2001

you know what, there are two sides to every story. and while the US side of the story is, major nation meddles in globabl politics, backs regimes, etc... the other story is that a bunch of religious fanatics kill their own people (for watching TV, for cutting their beards too short), kill Americans (for talking about their own religions), and basically behave like Hitler's SS Troops. so basically, here's my final equation:

america's government & leaders = flawed, but striving for the good.
the taliban = screwed in the head religious fanatics striving for the oppression of free will.

it reminds me of some lyrics in a primus song entitled "my name is mud"... so I kissed him upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat.
here's a thought... how about the major news sites get rid of bin laden's face? i'm tired of seeing that wast of sperm & egg.
kids, do ~not~ take LSD before going to bed, or you will have dreams like uncle paul's.
interesting dream last night. while in a war of unsaid time with unsaid enemy a quest kind of arrose for fortune and artifact. one team with a book found in sand set off and followed on the clues and tips inside of it, yet another team also following local lure and clues discover another book. the latter group of people believed that the first team had a dupe of their book and set out to find them. upon this journey, they ended up in a very cavernous area lit with candles torches and old arabic symbols scribed onto the walls. in front of them stood a large wooden circle/disc, so very smooth to the touch and reflected off it all the light in the cavern. on it was four crosses in each corner, and each were recessed in a dimple. the whole circle was divided into four sections by a verticle and a horizontal piece of wood. thus dividing the circle into four perfectly even sections. as i stood and adored this magnificantly large wooden circle, i noticed two other people had arrived and had gathered around the wooden circular disc. i had come to realize we were going to be asked a series of questions. answer correctly and you live, answer wrong and you die in some fashion. this is the feeling i was getting.

as the first question was posed, the circular disc slided down and before me was a another carved woodened disc, except, it bore a religious characture for christianity/judaism. two men in biblical clothing running to the left with a ribbon coming from opposing ends to join at the middle and divide the disc. i remember tracing over the letters carved in the ribbons. the left part of the ribbon clearly saying christianity and the right side clearly saying judaism. i answered the question correctly...as i don't recall ever being asked a question, i remember surviving. the next individual was asked a question. they were wearing a long cream colored robe with two dark-colored horizontal bands at the bottom of his robe and at the end of his sleaves and they were also wearing a turban. i believe this was a middle-eastern individual representing muslims/islam. (i'm sure this is influenced by all the recent events). another cross laddened disc came up as this individual came up to answer their question. the individual was then presented with a question and they answered wrong. this person was dealt a particularly horrible death. a wide ring of fire was sent around him and he paniced a bit and didn't know quite what to do. but it seemed as tho the ring was closing in on him and he tried to jump out of the ring, but it moved with him where ever he went. it was at this point where he started screaming hysterically until it closed in on him. he ended up burning to death as the ring closed in on him right under his feet. then about seven small creatures draped in black came out carrying little scythes that glowed in a light blue color and planted their scythes into what remained of the individual's shoulder and dragged him out of site.

it seemed at this point i was the only one remaining and the christianity/judaism wooden disc was in front of me again. my turn for round two. this time it slid to the right and in front of me stood a large stone forge with a bright red chinese symbol hovering in the air with a dark red dragon flying around it. it had very diminutive feet on the body. one set very far forward and one set very far behind and a very large head with a typical chinese mustach/whisp near the mouth. in front of me on the floor was six more chinese symbols made of jade and stuck in the floor. they were in a diagonal patten, three on the left and three on the right and they all came closer together in the direction i was standing. in the middle (where they would meet was an empty block in the floor. just in front of that was a set of two metal keys and then i stood a little bit back from them. i was told that the one key was to pull the jade cubes out of the floor and place four of them on top of each other in the proper order, lest i be killed. i had no idea which was the correct order and had this notion that the six symbols reperesented something, i remember one represented a house and another a field, as far as the others...i do not recall. as i leaned over and started to pick up the first one, i noticed that each cube rested of a bed of glowing white hot coals/ashes. as inserted the lifting key, i felt the extreme heat of the coals and almost dropped the key into the coals. as i placed the first cube into the empty square, part of the lifting key diminished/disappeared...it became shorter. by the time i got to the last block, the lifting key was almost gone and the pain was much more fierce and i dropped it into the hot coals. so i tried the unlocking key and the cube wouldn't budge at all. so i reached into the hot coals and and found the lifting key (with much pain) and lifted the last block. as i placed the last cube onto the stack there was a voice (in a language i couldn't understand) and i waited to find out my fate.

suddenly the whole cavern changed dramatically. it turned into an upscale hotel bar/dining room. high ceilings, gold accented trim, lots of browns and faded blues. a large group of people were all around. oddly, they were all male but from a doorway women came into the room. walking in a very seductive manner and went to the men around the room. it was completely silent, no one spoke at all and i watched in amazement at all the beautiful women. one walked over to me and slowly slid her hand up over my hip and to the small of my back. she wore a light blue girly-type t-shirt and dark dark blue jeans, had brown/black hair to about the shoulders and whispered about how nice and wonderful i was. i placed my arms around her then and was absolutely amazed by this girl in every respect and leaned down to kiss her and she backed away a bit and said she'd be back. i was in shock and looked around the room and saw many of the same thing but i also noticed the dragon was back and weaving in and around the other people. twisting around the women's arms and around the men's torsos and i didn't know what was happening. and at the bar the dragon appeared, except in human form. instead of serving drinks, he served fire balls. they just seemed to drift across the room at a slow speed, hitting people or clusters of people. but the people didn't react, they merely caught on fire and kept talking to one another until they died. i had some balls of fire shot at me, but mainly the targets were random and at one point i had a fire ball hit me. it was odd the way the fire moved, it kind of moved like a water balloon and when you were hit with it, it stuck and you had to shake it really hard to get it off of you. once i got it off of me, it just sat there and moved like a water balloon does on the ground. but i noticed that when i stood up from the cover that i had taken the dragon/bartender saw it's reflection in the mirror that was behind me and it disappeared to another part of the room. i picked up a chair and tried to break the mirror and use it as a shield to defeat the dragon, but w/o looking, the dragon started shooting many more fire balls in my direction. i looked around for something else reflective and noticed some chrome-like pots hanging on a post and i grabbed two of them and started batting the incoming fire balls out of my way. as i got closer to the dragon the room changed yet again. this time it was me with two very large and tall figures. they easily stood over a hundred feet tall, both of the same color. a gold/white hue that just irridated from each of them. they had swords in their hands, but the tips of the swords touched the ground and the palm of their hands rested on their hilts. They spoke with a loud booming voice and i came to realize that it was God on the left and Allah on the right. God held his sword in this left hand and Allah his right. They spoke of how i failed the final test and that was to be punished and destroyed in a great and holy manner. it was at this point where the alarm clock went off...i was spared the smiting....for now at least...
hey man, you wanna hear something REALLY depressing? i know how you feel about indie bands getting air-time... it's a double-edged sword, because we wonder, will it become a fad?

well, as if the over-abundance of poppunk in american pie 2 wasn't enough proof that it has become a fad, there is now a Pringles commercial with a pop-punk song about pringles. yep... the song has some "poppy" lead guitar doing an octave run behind the rhythm guitar, it has some stops in it, and of course it has the classic pop-punk break-down into cut-time. now, i don't dig on pop-punk to begin with, but man, if you needed proof that its now a fad, the pringle's radio ad is definitely evidence.